It's a Sad Day.

Yep, I honestly want to drive straight home, throw on a pair of pajamas and watch movies all day in bed with a pint of Starbucks Caramel Machhiato ice cream.

I'm sad, I know why but I can't push certain thoughts out of my mind to get over this "funk" I'm in.  Do you ever start thinking of a million different things at once and days go and then you realize that you haven't been focused on whatever you are doing but instead sort of day dreaming, thinking in your head, making up different scenarios in your mind about all these little things?  Like I feel like I'm not present in my life.  It's weird and frustrating.

Little set backs in my goals have popped up here and there lately but this morning I pulled myself out of bed at 4:30am even though my BFF sent me a text that said she wasn't going to bootcamp, I got dressed, went to bootcamp, sweated like it was no one's business and came home.  The next hour was like a nightmare.

What started out as a discussion about my husband taking care of the kids on my bootcamp mornings if they got up say between 3:30-4am and needed to be put back to sleep turned into my husband telling me he has more of a maternal instinct than me, that he got FIRED from his job for being 5 minutes late and not laid off like he told me and he doesn't understand why I think there is a difference between the 2 (laid off means they have no work at the moment for you, fired means they did not feel like you were a good employee and chose for you to not work there anymore which is not acceptable considering we have 2 kids we are raising and you need to have your shit together to help support our family), and finally he told me people don't want to talk to me because I'll just blow up at them (totally not sure what he means by that, I honestly never confront or blow up at ANYONE except my husband), so I'm not sure if I even want to hear how he came up with that conclusion.

So yeah, I'm sad.  I want this to be the year I thrive since I felt the last 2 years were all about just surviving life.  I just don't want another year to pass by where financially, physically, and emotionally I'm in the same place I was a year ago.  Maybe I want too much and should just be.

My first instinct after feeling sad was just to head to work and not even pack a lunch because I'll just figure it out later.  But I stopped myself  and cut up my bell pepper and pear and made a grilled chicken wrap and threw in some string cheese because I can't keep getting off track of losing weight every time life gets hard.  And trust me, life gets hard a lot.  My life is not a fairytale and things just don't always come easy for me. I know boo-hoo, total pity party but I don't get why every aspect of my life often  feels like a struggle.  So that's where I'm at for the moment.