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Sunday, August 25, 2013

2 months until the due date....

A couple weeks ago I wrote the birth mom an email....it was tough but it had to be done and I lovingly told her the truth.  We will not do a foster care adoption again.

Why?  Because I have two boys, 3 and 4, that just emotionally and intellectually are not at a place that can understand a baby coming into our home and possibly being their sister and staying forever, or possibly leaving us.  Having social workers, guardian at litem, and whoever else in and out of our house several times a month.  When I jumped at the chance to tell the BM initially that we'd be more than happy to adopt again, I was coming at it from a place that my husband and I could emotionally make it through the process again...but my kids?  Even as Dylan approached 1 years old, I began to worry just how much it would affect him if AJ had left us and what that does to a kid with such a strong brotherly bond.  But I convinced myself he wouldn't remember because he was so little.  But now?  They have these amazing memories.  I'm shocked when they recount an event from last year in detail.  And we always said we wouldn't probably do foster care again until our kids were teenagers and could really understand the coming and going of foster kids.

Also, I'm really unsettled about her consistently smoking marijuana and then at some point going to a bar to have beers.  I mean seriously, who does that??  Not a former infertile that's for sure.  You ladies know, we work so hard to get pregnant we are going to be stupid and do anything to jeopardize that baby's health!!

She texted me the other night and said she didn't think she should keep the baby because she still has anger issues and it would probably be best to just do a private adoption.  My requirements of her for a private adoption is that she not leave the hospital with the baby, she immediately gives us guardianship, it would be a closed adoption, and that a paternity test would have to be completed.  However, even with that I'm not guaranteeing anything.  They decided this weekend they'd move back to a town about 3 hours a way so that they could have a cleaner bigger room in case they get to keep the baby.

My heart tells me this baby is not meant to be mine.  And that possibly I want to be pregnant next year and have a biological baby.

If we were to adopt, I simply cannot do the two babies at one time thing so that would mean we'd wait a few years to have another baby and I don't think that's what I want.

My clients are on the wait list for a baby for foster-adopt and she told me she gets a call a week and by the time she calls back they've always already placed the baby so I'm confident there are enough homes ready to take in a baby to adopt.

I think the situation just seems all wrong to me but then am I THAT person that leaves my son's biological sister in the foster care system?  I do have to remember she had her first kid for 2 1/2 years before he was taken into the states care and it could be she makes it a while taking care of this baby.   My number one concern is the baby's health but I have zero control over that at this moment so I just have to sit tight and let this situation play out how it's meant to be.