Natural Approach to Infertility and Balancing Hormones

I write a lot on this blog about my hopes to conceive next time without taking medication and also to sustain a pregnancy and my healthy during it without taking 13 pills and multiple injections.  I also talk about losing weight (or the lack thereof) often.  I found a new blog that I enjoy reading, Fitnessista.com and she was struggling to get pregnant when she reached out to a homeopathic doctor and was finally able to get pregnant.  I had thought about going to a naturopath after my failed cycle in January 2009 because I felt so completely drugged up and I had a friend that was a skinny PCOS'er get pregnant after visiting one because her original doctor wanted to prescribe Clomid and Metformin and she said no way! 

You can read about Gina's experience with the homeopath here.  She worked with Patrick Flynn of Wisconsin by doing monthly phone consultation and following his guidance.  I was a bit intrigued so I watched four of his YouTube videos including the ones on thyroid issues and I think he's right on with a lot of his information.  I just wanted to put this out there on my blog in case any of you are thinking of taking a natural approach but don't know where to start.

I just joined a co-ed vollyeball team a few weeks ago with my husband and one of the ladies is a nutritionist and I over heard her talking to our teammate about her friend that is 6 months post partum was put on thyroid medication and they started talking about how the thyroid works and how that was absurd and my ears perked up and I finally just turned around and said I was really interested in listening to what they say because her friends scenario sounded JUST like mine.  I won't go into a lot of detail but I have always questioned if I really  needed synthroid because one time I sort of lied to my doctor and hadn't taken it in 2 weeks and she did a blood draw and called me after to say that I should keep taking synthroid because it was doing it's job.  6 months later I went back in and I had been faithfully taking it for months and she did another blood draw and again said it was doing it's job.  Hummm.  Odd, so I had the same results and and off of it?  It certainly doesn't help me lose weight IMO, but because I've had problems with my nodules and two biopsies I decided to continue with it.

I sort of feel like if I go to a homeopathic doctor that my current doctor will feel like I cheated on her.  And then if I really do need her help or I refuse her drugs that she'll not be helpful.  In reality, I should just talk to her about it and see if she's open to working with a homeopathic doctor or if she thinks they are quacks!  She's been so helpful and she is the reason I was able to have Dylan but I'd really like to be a little bit less drugged up next time!  But I do take responsibility for the fact that I did not lose weight and change my diet for several months before seeing her so she was doing the best she could with what I presented her with.  Let me know if you've heard of Patrick Flynn or you've had experience with a homeopathic doctor!

BFN or BFP? Let's find out.

I've been on google for two straight days trying to decide if it's odd I got a progesterone shot 14 days ago and still no period.  I've found very few board posts on various websites saying it took even 14 days much less more than that.

The infertile in me says not to waste your money on a HPT because I know I'm not pregnant....but my doctor said if I didn't get my period in 14 days, I needed to test.  Why?  Because I did have sex 5 days before I got the shot and we did use protection but I wasn't on birth control.  But I know I'm not pregnant.  Right?

I've had all the PMS symptoms, breakouts and bad cramping but then usually within a day or two I get my period.  But nothing. 

So I'm going to head to Target then come straight home and take it.  It feels SO WEIRD to even do this.  But I have to admit, it's made my mind wander with all the what ifs.  But I know I'm not pregnant.


****UPDATE**** BFN and I was shocked HPT are 2 for $10.39! Seriously?  Now I get to call my doctor and see what she says.

PCOS: Let's Talk about Testosterone and DHEAS

I mentioned last week that I had my blood drawn at my annual exam after my doctor decided to put me back on Metformin and had mentioned testosterone cream to help me feel more *cough* in the mood.  I'm only putting this information on my blog as a reminder of just how many things in your body have to be functioning properly to get pregnant.....and that if you have PCOS, it's worth making sure your doctor is testing these things if you are having difficulty getting pregnant.  And my first OB had said she had "ran labs to make sure everything was fine" before having me start clomid yet when I switched to my current doctor, not only did she realize my OB hadn't screened me for everything she should have, but that she interpreted a lot of my lab results as being "fine or okay" when they clearly weren't so do your research, ask for second opinions, and be your own advocate!

Labs came back, super high testosterone and DHEAS.  I guess I've always equated testosterone as something men have so hearing mine is high makes me feel like less of a women in a way.  Weird, I know.  But these levels have contributed to what I'd consider a bit (understatement) of hirsutism.  I'm even on round 6 of 7 of laser hair removal on my arms and if I had the money to do my entire body, I would!  So testosterone cream is off the table she said.  She's not even going to try it out and I'm completely in agreement with that.  High levels of testosterone is one of the indicators of PCOS and often contributes to infertility, however when I was pregnant my levels came down to what was almost considered normal but then again I was taking 13 pills a day.  She said at this point, let's see how I do on my new birth control for 8 weeks, redraw labs and go from there.  Since I'm not trying to get pregnant, bring my testosterone levels down seems kind of pointless. 

My DHEAS levels also were really high.  I couldn't even remember what DHEAS was so I googled it and came up with this  from labtestsonline.org:
DHEAS, testosterone, and several other androgens are used to evaluate adrenal function and to distinguish androgen-secreting conditions that are caused by the adrenal glands from those that originate in the ovaries or testes.........Concentrations of DHEAS are often measured, along with other hormones such as FSH, LH, prolactin, estrogen, and testosterone, to help diagnose polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) and to help rule out other causes of infertility, amenorrhea, and hirsutism.

I believe this is why I took the drug dexamethasone was to bring down the DHEAS levels.  I didn't start dex until after I was pregnant...I believe....I seriously can't remember that far back but I can't remember taking much initially besides Metformin.  From Dr. Malpani's website this is what dex is:

Steroids -

Dexamethasone, is often use as an adjunct to ovulation induction treatment, especially in patients with hirsutism who have high levels of androgens. It helps by suppressing the production of androgens by the adrenal glands. The dose is usually a 0.5 mg tablet, taken daily at bedtime. Side-effects at such a low dose are unusual. Some IVF clinics also use steroids after embryo transfer, because they believe this helps to improve pregnancy rates by inducing immune suppression and enhancing embryo implantation rates.

My thyroid did check out fine and that the low dose of Synthroid I take once a day is stabilizing it just about normal so that was good.

On Saturday night I threw up twice.  TMI?  Well I hadn't been sick like that since I was pregnant with Dylan and since I didn't know I was pregnant until week 6 and had no morning sickness, I'm pretty confident it was the progesterone back then making me so sick.  I barely moved out of bed on Monday because I was so nauseous.  Yuck!  I felt much better by Tuesday and my doctor said it could take up to 2 weeks for my period to start after the shot.  I think for a moment when I was sick my husband wondered if I was pregnant and I don't see any way I am unless he poked holes in the protection and he's not that guy so I think we are fine!  I guess when people talk about women who struggle with infertility, then get pregnant, then their hormone levels completely change and they get pregnant easily the next time that I will not be falling into that category.  Darn it, wouldn't that have been so awesome?!

Progesterone is evil!!

My doctor decided to give me a progesterone shot on Thursday to start my period so I could start my new birth control. No biggie I thought because I had had several of these shots after being pregnant to keep my pregnancy going.

Oh my god, that shot knocked me for a loop! I woke up on Friday with a super sore spot where I got the injection on my backside and by sore I mean I limped around all day because it hurt so bad. I massaged it all day long hoping to loosen it up but it still hurt. Then there is the dizziness and nausea. Those two symptoms are what I felt for so much of my TTC'ing with clomid and then when I got pregnant. Boy do I not miss feeling like that.

It took all I had to keep myself from not throwing up:(. And it just felt like a chemical had invaded my body and I just wanted it to pass quickly. By Friday night I had a terrible headache and fell asleep right after 9 because I was just miserable. Saturday I still had all the symptoms but they finally faded by about 4pm.

It was a reminder, a sort of wake up call, that I need to take charge and get as physically healthy as possible before TTC'ing next year because all the drugs and shots make enjoying my pregnancy out of reach. And if I have to take drugs, the so be it but I promise to do my part in preparing my body.

Back on Metformin! My annual exam...yippee:(

Today was my annual exam, oh joy right??  As much as I don't like this yearly chore, I was glad to be able to sit down with my doctor and hopefully get my body back on track since a few things have been off this past year.


I must have really had pregnancy brain because I've totally blanked on my doctor's conversation with me post partum about why I wasn't to take Metformin any more.....humm.  Maybe some of you that are post partum can fill me in on why/why  not to take metformin assuming you are not TTC'ing? Please!

Anyways, my doctor put me back on 1000mg of the extended release and I'll start with one pill a day for two weeks then I'll work my way up to a full dose.  She said it will help with "getting my weight under control."   And she threw in real quick that I should try South Beach because sugar and carbs can do a number on patients with PCOS.  That was that, we really didn't get into a discussion about it.  I never had the horrible side effects from Metformin like the constant need to run to the toilet so I hope that is the same this time around.  I can't believe I'm 26 months past partum and currently weigh more than the week after giving birth, boo! So with that, I'm thankful my doctor takes my weight issues seriously and isn't afraid to address them. I'll keep you all posted on if I think Metformin is helping me lose weight:)

Next thing we talked about is my libido.  I'm not going to go into graphic detail but it's suffice to say I feel I have zero libido which is so opposite of myself pre TTC'ing and is something I'd like to change.  She switched me from Loestrin 24 to Lutera birth control to hopefully help. She gave me shot of progesterone to start my period since my cycles are all over the place and I haven't taken birth control since September.  My doctor also suggested a testosterone cream that I'd rub on but I told her that worried me because I have always had high levels of testosterone and all I could think was growing MORE hair and I do not want that!!  She said we'll start with the new birth control and she had me get my blood drawn and see if after a few months, I have a low libido then we could add in the cream.  Good grief, I feel like a menopausal middle aged women and aren't I supposed to be in my prime!?!  She said your hormones change after having a baby and so does your life so sometimes it's all about planning when to do "it" and just forcing yourself to do it.  I've tried....it's just not super enjoyable.  I miss that feeling of actually wanting to do it.  Okay, enough about that because I don't care to go TMI in that department:)

I also got my blood drawn to check my thyroid levels.  I told her about my sudden weight gain in the beginning of October (approx. 10 lbs in a few weeks) and this was pre-holiday cookie baking (where I was actually able to lose weight) so she said my hormones could be off and it's all about fine tuning it. 

I was also reminded to do monthly breast exams myself....so guilty of not doing those, need to make sure I remember because I do think it's so important.

Vitamin D- I'm supposed to take 2000mg daily and she was shocked I hadn't continued that after my pregnancy.  Ooops, I blame it on pregnancy brain:(  Seriously, like I've said before, it's like I blocked so much of the medical/PCOS/Infertilitfy facts and lingo out of my head as soon as Dylan was born that it's like starting over from square one!

We did talk briefly about TTC'ing and what that would look like when I'm ready....which I'm guessing will be in a year.  She asked why I was worried about getting pregnant and I said that I was afraid that with the passing of each year that my chances would go down of being able to get pregnant.  She reminded me that I am 30 and if I was getting close to 40 she'd be worried.  And I trust her.  This doctor gets a lot of ladies pregnant that other doctors couldn't.  She said above all, you should get pregnant when your relationship and your family are ready for another baby, not because I feel like I'm running out of time.  True, very true. 

When I'm ready to TTC she said we will do a couple blood draws to check my levels of several things again, probably do an ultrasound to check if I'm ovulating on my own and how my follicle looks, etc. and then I can try naturally for a month, if it doesn't work then she can add clomid.  But one thing we agreed to is that I will be monitored even on my "natural" cycle because last time I was in desperate need of progesterone shots to keep the pregnancy going and that could happen again and I don't want to lose a pregnancy just because I was trying ot do it all on my own.

Being in her office brought back so many great memories!  Up until I met her (and I was pregnant 6 weeks after my first appointment with her!) each appointment at my OB was about disappointments, vague answers, expensive bills because I was labeled as "infertile", the "well, we will just keep on trying" uneducated response from my OB, and the "there's nothing more we can do to help you.  That'll be $650, cash or credit?" from the shitty endocrinologist my OB referred me to.  And then I met MY DOCTOR.  She was awesome and still is.

Ovarian Reserve Testing for PCOS, good or bad idea?

I got a letter in the mail from my doctor saying I was past due for my annual (should have happened in June) and to call her to schedule it and that she is dying to see a picture of Dylan.  I've been putting off my annual because we did not have our private insurance and just have Tricare which is crappy and my doctor doesn't take it anyways.  But as of 9/1/11, we have our old insurance back!!

My mind has been wandering since I received that letter on Friday.  Why?  Because a part of me knows that my doctor will ask when we plan on having another baby.  My answer lately has been in 2 years I'll try to get pregnant because it makes sense to wait until 1 kid is in Kindergarten and one is in preschool.  I think that would help with the daycare bill (which is already at $1500 a month) and would allow me to not feel guilty if the oldest is in school, Dylan is in an all day preschool and I can spend more time with the baby one on one during the day.  I will not be a typical SAHM because I also work from home and at that point, having a newborn around is feasible.  Having a 4 and 5 year old at home during the day, not feasible (I explained in other posts why I can't have my kids at home during my work day).

But what if she says she doesn't think it's the best idea to wait?  I can't imagine a fertility doctor encouraging someone to wait a few years, can you?  Or am I being crazy?

Also, looking back at it, my mom, aunts, and grandmas all were done having multiple kids by the time they were 25.  Yes, I know, I got pregnant at 27 so I was already older than all of them with my first but waiting until I'm 32 to get pregnant again?  Is that silly? 

My mom had a hysterectomy at 25 right after I was born because of endometriosis.  But as far as I know, I don't have endo so I shouldn't think I'll be in that situation.

If you were me, would you get the test to check your  ovarian reserve?  Should I even bring it up?  Because if I do and for some reason my test results show I do have diminishing ovarian reserve compared to 3 years ago, I'm still not in the position to get pregnant today.  I mean, it would take some planning and I could possibly try next summer to get pregnant, definitely not in the next few months.   I'm still determined to lose 50lbs and but I'm afraid if the results of the ovarian reserve come out bad, I'll be depressed.  I still want one more baby, at least one and what if someone tells me my chances will be slim (not to be dramatic, I have two awesome boys, but I admittedly would be a bit sad for a little while if I never got pregnant again)?

And I think my mind flashes back to ALL those appointments trying to get pregnant and stay pregnant with Dylan and all the fear and worries during that period of my life and I've tried so hard to push it out of my mind.  Any opinions out there on what you'd do?

When someone tells you their struggle with infertility and PCOS, what advice do you offer?

I read an article a few minutes back in one of my magazines about people who are always offering up advice when sometimes the person on the other end is just venting or isn't wanting advice.  Sometimes I'm guilt of that and especially when it comes to infertility and PCOS.  If my friends even begin to mention it's been X number of months of trying and they still aren't pregnant I want to start shooting off questions

Possible Challenge? Going back to the diet that helped me get pregnant with pcos??

I've been thinking about it, what if I challenged myself to just 1 week on the Candida diet.  I love to eat, I love to cook, I love all things sweet and sugary, but that makes it really hard to lose weight and I know the Candida diet is good for my body and is not restrictive as far as volumes really of food.  Not like that damn HCG diet that I think is bogus. 

My Love of Baking is Killing my Weight Loss Dreams!!

It's true, I love mixing butter and sugar and flour and making incredibly delicious baked goods or combining yeast and olive oil and bread flour and other add ins in my bread machine and turning it all into a carb addicts little piece of heaven.  I love, love, love to bake and I just have yet to get the satisfaction out of baking healthy foods.

My head is foggy again, I can't seem to focus or complete any goals right now.  I really wanted to have an awesome week of weight loss but here's how my week has been so far.......

Saturday- weighed in then went home and popped in a batch of homemade cinnamon rolls, Clone of Cinnabon, and I could have stopped there and made that my treat for the week.  But nope, I decided to go ahead and make Lemon and Vanilla Bean White Sugar Cookies from Annies-eats.com with Butter cream frosting in the shape of bunnies with the kids.  I ate 4 of these over the course of the week.  First I'd break off one ear and eat it, then I'd go back a few minutes later and break off the other ear, then half of the face, and then, forget it, let's finish that bad boy off because who leaves half of a face of a cookie right?

Sunday- Ate another cinnamon roll (13 pts.).  At our family dinner I ate 3 pieces of garlic bread plus a piece of pumpkin pie with cool whip.

Wednesday- Slightly annoyed by something at work so I decided to eat a package of Special K Strawberry Thin crisps, 2 bunny cookies and 4 OREOS, WTH?  I can tell you how bad I wanted to Oreos by telling you they were in the cabinet above my fridge on top of some pans which required me to use the BBQ tongs that are like 2 feet long and I had to "knock" the package of Oreos down.  OMG, what was I thinking?  Total sugar overload day.

Thursday- Lunch with my friend who was having a really bad week.  I suggested a cute cafe knowing I could get a side salad and 1/2 of a sandwich or soup but she said she really wanted some greasy food so we went to Boston's.  She had  nachos, I had a Santa Fe Salad (22pts) and didn't eat 2/3 of the fried chips or the sour cream and sour cream, but still, not within my points range.  And I ate 5 Reese's PB eggs.  Awesome since it was 2 days before weigh in.

And today is Friday and so far so good and I ate all those bunny cookies so there will not be those to eat when I get home and I packed my lunch.  But this is just ridiculous.  I'm just off track.  My Weight Watchers leader always says that just because you trip on one stair, don't throw yourself down the entire flight of stairs.  I'll post tomorrow my weigh in results and my new menu for next week based on the PCOS Diet book (still don't like the book but I'll give it a shot for a week).  Sorry to just rant on here but it's kind of like therapy for me:)

Weekly Weight Watchers Weigh In: Frustrating.

I don't even want to type it because it's so pathetic.  I lost .2 lbs and this after burning 2011 calories exercising by walking and jogging 14.4 miles.  What the heck??!!!  I didn't even eat my activity points but I did eat my 49 weekly allowance points.

I'm not even sure what to make of it.  I totally want to blame my PCOS because it shouldn't be this hard to lose weight!!  So I'm going back to square one.  I'm going to dive into the weightwatchers.com website, find some meal plans and measure and weigh everything single thing (like I'm supposed to do anyway but when I weigh a potato or chicken breast one day, 2 days later I eyeball it, same thing with pasta) and see if this week I can get this body of mine to show me what it's made of!    I'm also going to reread the PCOS diet book, I didn't like it the first time, but I need to figure out why my body is really holding on to this weight.

Last week was such a worse eating week with almost  non-existent exercise and this week was the opposite and I lost .6lbs less than last week.

All I can really say is at least it isn't a gain, I'm losing every week but .2 lbs is just sucky:(  But I leave you with these photos of our Easter Bunny cookie decorating from this afternoon!

Thanks for your advice and thoughts!

I really do appreciate your thoughts on whether it's reasonable for me to expect that I could get pregnant without infertility drugs even if I lost weight.  Since reading your responses I've decided that I need to focus on losing the weight not as a cure to my infertility but to improve my overall health and to feel good about myself.  Because the last thing I want is to hit my goal weight and then have a break down if I end up needing fertility drugs of any kind since that would most likely just lead to me gaining a ton of weight from being depressed AGAIN about my infertility. (And I can't promise there won't be some small breakdown if I go through fertility treatments of any kind again, I'm not the greatest at just putting on a happy face in tough situations!)

And I'm with some of you as far as realizing that my ovaries as far as I know, are broken.  They just don't function perfectly all the time or consistently.  But they functioned perfectly for a brief second so I'd love them to show off like that once again when I'm ready. 

Do you all read Ronisweigh.com?  She's got great before and after pictures of her tummy tuck after losing a lot of weight on Weight Watcher's and she still had loose skin. I'd assume my stomach would look similar because it's been stretched for oh, something like almost 20 years!  I really liked that she posted pictures because it's good to know that even at your ideal weight, you could still have the same belly skin issues as you did at a much higher weight.  I'm totally getting my skin chopped off when I'm done having kids and lost weight.  I've been planning it since the age of 21, haha!  Sorry, I got off on a tangent there:)

What if Losing Weight Doesn't Cure my Infertility?

In my perfect world, in a years time I will weigh 135 lbs and then I'll start trying to conceive and within 3 months of trying I'll be pregnant and carry a healthy baby to term.  But the world isn't perfect.  Sometimes I feel like life has given me the big middle fingers on several occasions.  I do have so much to be thankful for but there are times when I just wish some things were easier.  Like having a baby.

I went back and looked at my last 10 years of weight loss on Weight Watchers.  Crazy right?  That I've done it 4 different times over 10 years, usually giving up after 4 months and sometimes I lost 20 lbs and sometimes I lost 2 in that time.  So when I was looking at my "post-wedding" weight history, I realized that I weighed 161 for quite a few months and did not get pregnant.  I was convinced I was around 175 when we started trying and so I'm a little freaked out that I have 27 pounds to go to be at that weight and chances are that is not enough to cure my infertility.   Which even at 161, I did not love my body.  I still wore a size 12 and it was still hard to find clothes that looked good on me so I had no plans on stopping at 160.

So what if this is the time when this weight loss journey really is successful and I hit my goal weight of 135 and then..........I still can't get pregnant on my own.  I'm convinced that I could ovulate on my own at my ideal weight and that Metformin wouldn't even be necessary.  Because really, I get nauseous just thinking about taking 2000mg of Met again during my next pregnancy. 

I've said it before, I was 11 years old and maybe 4'9" when I last weighed 135 so I have no concept at all of what my body would do at a normal weight or even how I'd look.  So what if at 135 I'm still screwed up?  I should not focus so much on the what if's and the parts I can't control that may happen in the future but it's hard not to let my mind go to that place. I feel bad sometimes for even complaining because yes I had to take some pills, well lots of pills, and get shots a few times a week and Dylan was born healthy and I'm so lucky to have him.  Sometimes I feel like when I tell people I had infertility issues that they think of course I did, I'm overweight, lose some weight!

Anyone out there ever taken Clomid or Metformin to conceive and then lost a significant amount of weight and get pregnant without all of that?  Or vice versa, lost the weight and still had to take the drugs?

Thyroid Biopsy is Benign!

Just a quick update that my results came back as benign!  Yay for me right?! 

I got a bit worried when the doctor hadn't called with the test results within a week like she said she would.  She's very organized and always calls when she says she will.  I had to call in to her office yesterday and she called back and said everything was fine!  I have another appointment with her at the end of June just to follow up.

Also, starting in January, we lost our primary insurance we had with my husband's union since he was laid off.  It was the best damn insurance ever!!  I could go see any doctor and it paid 90%.  Now we are using Tri-care and well, a lot of private practices do not take Tri-Care but my endocrinologist agreed to since I was an established patient.  I went to buy birth control and I'm used to paying like $10 for 3 months worth, this time it was $66!  Wowser!  But, the important thing is I have insurance, there was a period of 5 years when I didn't:(

Biopsy Is Done!

I had my biopsy today and I do not remember getting stabbed 5 times last time like today!  The worst part is, it's not like the needle goes directly in and right back out.  It gets put in and moved around about 4-5 times and then pulled out before each sample is collected.  It's a really strange feeling seeing someone stick a needle in your neck and then move it around, gives me the shivers just thinking about it!  Apparently the mass was spongey which is a good thing, less likely it's cancerous.  The nodule has grown since December though but sometimes these nodules shrink or stabilize so it doesn't necessarily mean it will just keep growing.  Also, I did bleed under the skin they said so I got a bandaid put on my neck and I have to keep an eye on it for swelling.  I'll get the results back within a week:)

Bootcamp and a Thyroid Biopsy

This morning I woke up at 4:30am and headed to my gym for day 1 of bootcamp!  It was hard actually getting out of bed but once I was in the car, it was totally fine.  Our class was only 9 people which is nice because the trainer can really help you out with form but at the same time, there is no way I could slack because she'd totally see!  I did a fitness test and measurements.  Since I first had my measurements done in mid September, I've lost 3 inches in the chest and 3 on my hips!  My body fat is down 3% also but my overall weight loss was only 8 pounds.  I really kind of stalled out my weight loss with my trainer.  She was vegan and wanted me to use the gyms food tracking system and 2 months into it, I realized just how much I needed Weight Watchers  and the weekly meetings again and that since she wasn't a nutritionist, she couldn't give me advice but just to say not to eat cookies or ice cream.  Also, since I was working out with her twice a week, I was slacking on coming to the gym the other 3 days for cardio so I was not losing anything.  I'm hoping now that I'm combining 3, hour long, bootcamp sessions a week plus 2 more visits to the gym WITH Weight Watchers, that this really revs up my weight loss.  My lungs were on fire in class and it was seriously the hardest work out I've done since I ran track in high school.

In other news, tomorrow I go in for my thyroid biopsy.  I'm hoping obviously that the results come back as not being cancer but I'm okay with it because I feel like no matter what, it's not like it's a death sentence, they can always take the nodule out.  I think my thyroid levels are off again because my vision is extremely blurred and I've had perfect vision my whole life.  I'll probably get my blood checked in the morning and then call around for an eye appointment.  Or maybe I'm just getting old and falling apart, haha!  Anyone else have vision problems due to their thyroid levels?



Here's a video of what my procedure looks like. It turns my stomach to think about it because it is uncomfortable! Stab a needle in my legs, arms, stomach, backside....but any where on my head or neck, no thank you!!

2 Years Ago Today A Mircale Happened!

I became pregnant exactly 2 years ago today.  It still seems surreal.  I don't know exactly why my body decided to cooperate on a break cycle after not giving me any hope for the previous 3 years, but it did and I still am so thankful for that day.

After having a huge cyst on my ovary from my previous month of clomid and a failed cycle, I was told by my doctor that I'd have to take a break in February and I was okay with that.  So when Valentine's Day got closer, my husband and I decided to go skiing and stay at the resort for a night.  I remember after skiing we were riding up the elevator to our room to change for dinner and half way up the ride to our floor, the door opened and a pretty lady stepped on holding her gorgeous blond hair, blue eyed baby.  SHIT!  It's Valentine's day, it's a ski resort, why am I running into this lady and her baby, this is supposed to be a trip where I can forget all of that?  By this time in our journey, it was hard to even see pregnant women or babies even if I didn't even know them.  I'd just think in my head. "Why them?  Why not me?" And I'd usually tear up.  I didn't cry this time but I did think to myself, I wish that was me.  I wish I was hanging out in our hotel room taking care of my sweet baby instead of skiing and I hope that one day I can have that also.

And somehow, that day, it did happen.  I wouldn't know until March 12th, when I was 6 weeks pregnant that in fact I was pregnant and that our baby Dylan would be born 9 months later.  I consider this Dylan's "other birthday" because it truly was when he became a life and what a sweet miracle he is!  So for all you TTC'ers out there, I wish that it is you also someday very soon and that you no longer have to ask why not me.  You all deserve the very best, Happy Valentine's Day.

We went back to the ski resort in early September so I was probably 32 weeks pregnant here.  Boy did I get some stares because my husband was also carrying our, now, oldest son who was only 8 months old at the time!

Products I love that help with my less than perfect skin!

I just wanted to share briefly products that I love that were recommended by my dermatologist.  I've always had acne since puberty and tried all sorts of things.  The past 7 years I've consistently used proactive and my skin looked pretty good but after I had Dylan, my skin was glowing, it was awesome!  Fast forward to when he turned 5 months old, my skin freaked out!  It was so bumpy and rough and just started to get more and more acne.  It was like I was reliving my teen years again.  The doctor said I had borderline rosacea.  She also prescribed Finacea and another topical treatment that is a gentler version of Retin-A that I totally spaced the name.  Here's what my dermatologist recommended for face wash and moisturizer and I now LOVE!  Hope this is helpful especially those that have PCOS and experience acne because of it.

CeraVe Foaming Facial Cleanser. This is for normal to oily skin, they also have one for dry skin.


CeraVe lotion.  This totally calmed my skin down and the dermatologist recommended using it before topical acne medications to reduce the irritation.

I know Target, Costco, and Walgreens carry them. 

I would have done JUST about everything to get pregnant with PCOS...

Except dieting and working out regularly. 

I'll be honest, when I saw a picture of me horseback riding in August of 2008 I told my husband that I needed to stop trying to get pregnant until I lost weight.  I was so disgusted at how big I had gotten and I just didnt' look healthy at all.  The previous summer I was down to about 165-170 in May, by late August I was up to 185 and through the next year I maintained that higher weight.  I told myself, if I could just lose the weight and eat right and work out, I really felt I had a good chance at getting pregnant.  But a few days after seeing the picture on the horse, I somehow let myself think that I would never lose the weight because seriously, I've been overweight since I was 11 years old!  So then I made my first appointment with my first OB/GYN to talk about my infertility and she started putting me on Clomid.   Ultimately after I switched doctors, and was on a break cycle, I think the Metformin is what allowed me to get pregnant.  And yes, I got pregnant but I whole heartedly believe that if I would have lost the weight, I could have got pregnant  a lot sooner like "normal" girls do and still with maybe just taking Metformin.  I didn't have blocked tubes, unhealthy eggs or anything else really besides that I didn't ovulate.   But when I felt all those drugs in my system (13 pills a day when I was pregnant), Clomid, injection to release my eggs, metformin, dexamethasone, and synthroid,  I felt like crap.  I was sick, bitchy, and felt like a fricken science experiment.

But why couldn't I commit to losing the weight if I wanted a baby THAT BAD.  I'm still not sure what the answer is.  I get that it's really hard with PCOS to lose weight, but it is doable.  I'm trying to do it now and it's working and my life is much more hectic than it was 3 years ago.  And who cares if I ONLY lose 1 pound a week? In a year that is 52 pounds! 

Do you feel the same way if you are obese?  That if someone told you, if you lose weight and maintain a healthy BMI and then possibly take Metformin (maybe even that won't be necessary) you'll get pregnant, would you commit to losing the weight? 

I pose this question not to those that have infertility problems that have to do with sperm counts, morphology, blocked tubes or some other issue that even at a healthy BMI could not be fixed but I sort of wonder how many of us took the drugs, went through the emotional roller coaster, and drained savings accounts to try to get pregnant instead of losing a significant amount of weight FIRST?  I'm raising my hand now, I'm calling myself out, 100% guilty right here.

(Edited 2/2/2010) Please go visit Annie's Blog to see how she managed to hit the nail on the head when answering why we don't just lose the weight!

Laser Hair Removal, First Appointment

It was NO BIG DEAL!  That really sums it up!  I had knots in my stomach thinking what if it just hurt so much that I couldn't take it or what if scarred my arms?  In the morning I shaved my arms.  Such a weird feeling since I've never done that before but man, they looked so nice I must say:)  I went into my appointment, put on some big black sunglasses that turned the room into bright green and black and away we went with the laser.  The lady at the spa told me that the most sensitive areas would be my fingers and my hands but once we got to my arms, I would barely feel it and she was right!  The first zap I kind of cringed, it almost felt like if you touched a hot iron on accident but it only lasted for a split second.  Once we got to my arms, it honestly did not hurt at all.  It took all of 25 minutes for both arms and once we were done and even through the night, you could not tell I had anything done! No redness or swelling or sensitivity.  I will upload pictures of my before shots later but I just wanted to give a quick update.  My next appointment is March 4th and it will be interesting to see what my arms look like between now and then.  I'm thinking very seriously now of getting my upper lip done starting with the next appointment:)

My ovaries ache

I didn't even know what PCOS was until about 3 years into TTC so I was not really aware of my body and things I was feeling up to that point but the past couple weeks, the areas where my ovaries are, feel sore and sometimes I get these twinges of pain and I don't know if it's something new or something I had before I was pregnant and just paid no attention to.  I don't know if it could be cysts or something else or just that time of the month but when it happens I start to think, 'What if last time was just my one shot to be pregnant and have a biological baby and that was it?  What if I never get pregnant again?'   I don't really remember having pain there before I got pregnant with Dylan but at this point I really don't want to ask the doctor about it because I know my doctor and most likely she'd have me get a transvaginal ultrasound to just make sure.  And I just need to soak up where I'm at in my life now with my 2 boys and not be worried about how not normal my body is.  My mom had endometreosis when she got pregnant with me and even though my dad would have liked to wait a while before having another kid, my mom's doctor told her her time to be able to get pregnant was coming to an end.  She had a hysterectomy right after having me.  That's always concerned me that I could go through the same thing.

I don't know if women who have experienced infertility ever get over the worrying until they are done having kids.  Have any of my readers had a baby after having trouble conceiving your first child?  Did you receive the same treatments/drugs and how long did it take compared to the first time once you were actively TTC again?  I'd really love to hear from you.