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Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Update on My Sister's Baby!

So......my sister had an ultrasound today to check for a heartbeat and it seems she ovulated and conceived a week later than she thought!  That means the baby making happened at her own house, haha!  It's crazy because she does the temperature taking method and it said she had ovulated all most 2 weeks before Christmas when in in fact it didn't happen for another 3 weeks and she had a super long period.  Maybe that's TMI about my sister's cycle:)

I do question temping because it makes me wonder if for a year she could have been missing her ideal time and I think that's why doctors have you TTC on your own for a year because eventually it may just happen, otherwise they might have to help you narrow down the time you ovulate as a first step and then if that doesn't work then move on to other methods to conceive.

This means I will have a niece or nephew in late September! 

Monday, January 30, 2012

My Sister Got Her BFP.....at my house, LOL!

My sister has been trying for almost a year to get pregnant and I felt bad back in late September that she missed her window of timed baby dancing to meet me in Seattle for my birthday................but she made up for it when she stayed with us for a week during Christmas and apparently conceived my future niece or nephew here! Awkward yet hilarious at the same time! 

I'm so excited for her and she didn't find out until she was 6 weeks pregnant (she's currently 8 weeks now) because she figured it hadn't happened before so why would it have happened in December?!  Hummm, sounds very similar to my story and we also found out at 6 weeks.

I take full credit for all the awesome homemade food I made her and the stress free week which was the key to her getting pregnant!  I'm kidding:)

I actually thought that maybe my BIL would ask to wait to have kids once they left because my boys were glued to him the entire time and that's a lot to take in when you are used to so much quiet time in your own house!

I can't wait to start shopping for this baby!!! 

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Natural Approach to Infertility and Balancing Hormones

I write a lot on this blog about my hopes to conceive next time without taking medication and also to sustain a pregnancy and my healthy during it without taking 13 pills and multiple injections.  I also talk about losing weight (or the lack thereof) often.  I found a new blog that I enjoy reading, Fitnessista.com and she was struggling to get pregnant when she reached out to a homeopathic doctor and was finally able to get pregnant.  I had thought about going to a naturopath after my failed cycle in January 2009 because I felt so completely drugged up and I had a friend that was a skinny PCOS'er get pregnant after visiting one because her original doctor wanted to prescribe Clomid and Metformin and she said no way! 

You can read about Gina's experience with the homeopath here.  She worked with Patrick Flynn of Wisconsin by doing monthly phone consultation and following his guidance.  I was a bit intrigued so I watched four of his YouTube videos including the ones on thyroid issues and I think he's right on with a lot of his information.  I just wanted to put this out there on my blog in case any of you are thinking of taking a natural approach but don't know where to start.

I just joined a co-ed vollyeball team a few weeks ago with my husband and one of the ladies is a nutritionist and I over heard her talking to our teammate about her friend that is 6 months post partum was put on thyroid medication and they started talking about how the thyroid works and how that was absurd and my ears perked up and I finally just turned around and said I was really interested in listening to what they say because her friends scenario sounded JUST like mine.  I won't go into a lot of detail but I have always questioned if I really  needed synthroid because one time I sort of lied to my doctor and hadn't taken it in 2 weeks and she did a blood draw and called me after to say that I should keep taking synthroid because it was doing it's job.  6 months later I went back in and I had been faithfully taking it for months and she did another blood draw and again said it was doing it's job.  Hummm.  Odd, so I had the same results and and off of it?  It certainly doesn't help me lose weight IMO, but because I've had problems with my nodules and two biopsies I decided to continue with it.

I sort of feel like if I go to a homeopathic doctor that my current doctor will feel like I cheated on her.  And then if I really do need her help or I refuse her drugs that she'll not be helpful.  In reality, I should just talk to her about it and see if she's open to working with a homeopathic doctor or if she thinks they are quacks!  She's been so helpful and she is the reason I was able to have Dylan but I'd really like to be a little bit less drugged up next time!  But I do take responsibility for the fact that I did not lose weight and change my diet for several months before seeing her so she was doing the best she could with what I presented her with.  Let me know if you've heard of Patrick Flynn or you've had experience with a homeopathic doctor!

Thursday, January 19, 2012

BFN or BFP? Let's find out.

I've been on google for two straight days trying to decide if it's odd I got a progesterone shot 14 days ago and still no period.  I've found very few board posts on various websites saying it took even 14 days much less more than that.

The infertile in me says not to waste your money on a HPT because I know I'm not pregnant....but my doctor said if I didn't get my period in 14 days, I needed to test.  Why?  Because I did have sex 5 days before I got the shot and we did use protection but I wasn't on birth control.  But I know I'm not pregnant.  Right?

I've had all the PMS symptoms, breakouts and bad cramping but then usually within a day or two I get my period.  But nothing. 

So I'm going to head to Target then come straight home and take it.  It feels SO WEIRD to even do this.  But I have to admit, it's made my mind wander with all the what ifs.  But I know I'm not pregnant.

****UPDATE**** BFN and I was shocked HPT are 2 for $10.39! Seriously?  Now I get to call my doctor and see what she says.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Paula Deen Has Type 2 Diabetes....My Thoughts.

I read a couple blogs from normal weight bloggers this morning bashing Paula Deen and referencing her interview on the Today Show.  Since the interview hadn't aired where I lived yet, I wasn't quite sure if these bloggers were over exaggerating.  But then I watched the interview.....AWKARD.  Mainly there is judgement over her decision to wait 3 years to let the public know, she's now a spokesperson for a drug company, and that she wouldn't state that her diet was possibly the biggest factor in her diagnosis and that she proclaims she hasn't changed her diet and that she's always ate in moderation.  So here we go, here's my thoughts and I'd like to know yours!

She waited 3 years to tell the public
I believe this is 100% her choice and knowing that a wave of "I told you so'" was probably more reason that she wanted to put it off.  Her mental health is just as important as her physical health and if she truly thought that was going to be stressful and the time wasn't right, I'm supportive of that decision.  She claims she waited because she had nothing to offer people initially and know that she knows more about it, created a website, and knows one method of controlling diabetes with the use of the drug she's a spokesperson for, she felt it was time to reveal the truth.  I think sometimes people believe that celebrities and public figures owe it to us to put every aspect of their lives out there and I don't agree.  And if she was doing it because she thought it would hurt her brand and career, I think that is fine also. 

Paula Deen states she hasn't changed her diet and always ate her recipes in moderation.
I call the bullshit flag on this one.  I'm sure if she was filmed 24/7 for weeks, and someone calculated the nutritional information of everything she ate, she was consistently over eating.  You just don't get to be that size (and don't get be wrong, I think she is really beautiful but she's not even close to being a healthy weight) by sticking to only the calories you need.  And what is moderation?  Say she makes one of her meatloaf sandwiches or eats a piece of homemade cake only once a week and eats "normal" the rest of the time.  I'm guessing you are eating probably 750-1500 extra calories a week.  In a year that's 11-22 extra pounds of weight gain a year.  Sorry Paula, it's adds up.  I can see it if she said she went walking with her husband for an hour and then treated herself to one piece of cake a week. 

Should Paula lighten up here recipes?
I don't think anyone making her recipes is fooled to believe they are healthy.  For me, I watch it to get ideas for special occasions.  I would never even think of adding even one recipe a week to my dinner menu.  But would I add one 2-3 times a year, sure.  That's moderation.   I just don't believe she has to lighten up her recipes but I think, if she wants, it could be a teachable lesson to viewers on how to enjoy her recipes once in a while and still keep your diabetes under control.  However, she tried to explain on the Today show how she doesn't eat "that way" every day and I do feel I'm fairly intelligent but just watching her show here and there I definitely was under the impression she at that food every day.  I just didn't picture here making grilled chicken and steamed broccoli for dinner, do you?  If she does, then I miss judged her. 

Am I a hypocrite?
I take Metformin that is prescribed for diabetic patients......yet I'm not diabetic.  I'm just a person that can't seem to get my weight under control by eating healthy and getting plenty of exercise but it's my fault.  I don't even think my genes play a role as much as my environment does.  I think why my heart goes out to Paula a little more than some others is because I know it's not just as easy as saying "Don't eat that!  Exercise more!"  Food is like an addiction and it's a strange addiction because unlike drugs, alcohol, and tobacco, you still have to eat food...the right food...but you still have to eat.   I'm able to isolate myself  from those other addictions, but food is something that I have to see several times a day so it's an all day long struggle to say no to the wrong foods or the wrong amounts of food.  And for Paula, her addiction (if it is that) is tied in to her career and her income and I can't imagine how difficult this interview today was for her.

I'm curious what your reactions were to Paula Deen's news? 

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

PCOS: Let's Talk about Testosterone and DHEAS

I mentioned last week that I had my blood drawn at my annual exam after my doctor decided to put me back on Metformin and had mentioned testosterone cream to help me feel more *cough* in the mood.  I'm only putting this information on my blog as a reminder of just how many things in your body have to be functioning properly to get pregnant.....and that if you have PCOS, it's worth making sure your doctor is testing these things if you are having difficulty getting pregnant.  And my first OB had said she had "ran labs to make sure everything was fine" before having me start clomid yet when I switched to my current doctor, not only did she realize my OB hadn't screened me for everything she should have, but that she interpreted a lot of my lab results as being "fine or okay" when they clearly weren't so do your research, ask for second opinions, and be your own advocate!

Labs came back, super high testosterone and DHEAS.  I guess I've always equated testosterone as something men have so hearing mine is high makes me feel like less of a women in a way.  Weird, I know.  But these levels have contributed to what I'd consider a bit (understatement) of hirsutism.  I'm even on round 6 of 7 of laser hair removal on my arms and if I had the money to do my entire body, I would!  So testosterone cream is off the table she said.  She's not even going to try it out and I'm completely in agreement with that.  High levels of testosterone is one of the indicators of PCOS and often contributes to infertility, however when I was pregnant my levels came down to what was almost considered normal but then again I was taking 13 pills a day.  She said at this point, let's see how I do on my new birth control for 8 weeks, redraw labs and go from there.  Since I'm not trying to get pregnant, bring my testosterone levels down seems kind of pointless. 

My DHEAS levels also were really high.  I couldn't even remember what DHEAS was so I googled it and came up with this  from labtestsonline.org:
DHEAS, testosterone, and several other androgens are used to evaluate adrenal function and to distinguish androgen-secreting conditions that are caused by the adrenal glands from those that originate in the ovaries or testes.........Concentrations of DHEAS are often measured, along with other hormones such as FSH, LH, prolactin, estrogen, and testosterone, to help diagnose polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) and to help rule out other causes of infertility, amenorrhea, and hirsutism.

I believe this is why I took the drug dexamethasone was to bring down the DHEAS levels.  I didn't start dex until after I was pregnant...I believe....I seriously can't remember that far back but I can't remember taking much initially besides Metformin.  From Dr. Malpani's website this is what dex is:

Steroids -

Dexamethasone, is often use as an adjunct to ovulation induction treatment, especially in patients with hirsutism who have high levels of androgens. It helps by suppressing the production of androgens by the adrenal glands. The dose is usually a 0.5 mg tablet, taken daily at bedtime. Side-effects at such a low dose are unusual. Some IVF clinics also use steroids after embryo transfer, because they believe this helps to improve pregnancy rates by inducing immune suppression and enhancing embryo implantation rates.

My thyroid did check out fine and that the low dose of Synthroid I take once a day is stabilizing it just about normal so that was good.

On Saturday night I threw up twice.  TMI?  Well I hadn't been sick like that since I was pregnant with Dylan and since I didn't know I was pregnant until week 6 and had no morning sickness, I'm pretty confident it was the progesterone back then making me so sick.  I barely moved out of bed on Monday because I was so nauseous.  Yuck!  I felt much better by Tuesday and my doctor said it could take up to 2 weeks for my period to start after the shot.  I think for a moment when I was sick my husband wondered if I was pregnant and I don't see any way I am unless he poked holes in the protection and he's not that guy so I think we are fine!  I guess when people talk about women who struggle with infertility, then get pregnant, then their hormone levels completely change and they get pregnant easily the next time that I will not be falling into that category.  Darn it, wouldn't that have been so awesome?!

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Progesterone is evil!!

My doctor decided to give me a progesterone shot on Thursday to start my period so I could start my new birth control. No biggie I thought because I had had several of these shots after being pregnant to keep my pregnancy going.

Oh my god, that shot knocked me for a loop! I woke up on Friday with a super sore spot where I got the injection on my backside and by sore I mean I limped around all day because it hurt so bad. I massaged it all day long hoping to loosen it up but it still hurt. Then there is the dizziness and nausea. Those two symptoms are what I felt for so much of my TTC'ing with clomid and then when I got pregnant. Boy do I not miss feeling like that.

It took all I had to keep myself from not throwing up:(. And it just felt like a chemical had invaded my body and I just wanted it to pass quickly. By Friday night I had a terrible headache and fell asleep right after 9 because I was just miserable. Saturday I still had all the symptoms but they finally faded by about 4pm.

It was a reminder, a sort of wake up call, that I need to take charge and get as physically healthy as possible before TTC'ing next year because all the drugs and shots make enjoying my pregnancy out of reach. And if I have to take drugs, the so be it but I promise to do my part in preparing my body.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Back on Metformin! My annual exam...yippee:(

Today was my annual exam, oh joy right??  As much as I don't like this yearly chore, I was glad to be able to sit down with my doctor and hopefully get my body back on track since a few things have been off this past year.

I must have really had pregnancy brain because I've totally blanked on my doctor's conversation with me post partum about why I wasn't to take Metformin any more.....humm.  Maybe some of you that are post partum can fill me in on why/why  not to take metformin assuming you are not TTC'ing? Please!

Anyways, my doctor put me back on 1000mg of the extended release and I'll start with one pill a day for two weeks then I'll work my way up to a full dose.  She said it will help with "getting my weight under control."   And she threw in real quick that I should try South Beach because sugar and carbs can do a number on patients with PCOS.  That was that, we really didn't get into a discussion about it.  I never had the horrible side effects from Metformin like the constant need to run to the toilet so I hope that is the same this time around.  I can't believe I'm 26 months past partum and currently weigh more than the week after giving birth, boo! So with that, I'm thankful my doctor takes my weight issues seriously and isn't afraid to address them. I'll keep you all posted on if I think Metformin is helping me lose weight:)

Next thing we talked about is my libido.  I'm not going to go into graphic detail but it's suffice to say I feel I have zero libido which is so opposite of myself pre TTC'ing and is something I'd like to change.  She switched me from Loestrin 24 to Lutera birth control to hopefully help. She gave me shot of progesterone to start my period since my cycles are all over the place and I haven't taken birth control since September.  My doctor also suggested a testosterone cream that I'd rub on but I told her that worried me because I have always had high levels of testosterone and all I could think was growing MORE hair and I do not want that!!  She said we'll start with the new birth control and she had me get my blood drawn and see if after a few months, I have a low libido then we could add in the cream.  Good grief, I feel like a menopausal middle aged women and aren't I supposed to be in my prime!?!  She said your hormones change after having a baby and so does your life so sometimes it's all about planning when to do "it" and just forcing yourself to do it.  I've tried....it's just not super enjoyable.  I miss that feeling of actually wanting to do it.  Okay, enough about that because I don't care to go TMI in that department:)

I also got my blood drawn to check my thyroid levels.  I told her about my sudden weight gain in the beginning of October (approx. 10 lbs in a few weeks) and this was pre-holiday cookie baking (where I was actually able to lose weight) so she said my hormones could be off and it's all about fine tuning it. 

I was also reminded to do monthly breast exams myself....so guilty of not doing those, need to make sure I remember because I do think it's so important.

Vitamin D- I'm supposed to take 2000mg daily and she was shocked I hadn't continued that after my pregnancy.  Ooops, I blame it on pregnancy brain:(  Seriously, like I've said before, it's like I blocked so much of the medical/PCOS/Infertilitfy facts and lingo out of my head as soon as Dylan was born that it's like starting over from square one!

We did talk briefly about TTC'ing and what that would look like when I'm ready....which I'm guessing will be in a year.  She asked why I was worried about getting pregnant and I said that I was afraid that with the passing of each year that my chances would go down of being able to get pregnant.  She reminded me that I am 30 and if I was getting close to 40 she'd be worried.  And I trust her.  This doctor gets a lot of ladies pregnant that other doctors couldn't.  She said above all, you should get pregnant when your relationship and your family are ready for another baby, not because I feel like I'm running out of time.  True, very true. 

When I'm ready to TTC she said we will do a couple blood draws to check my levels of several things again, probably do an ultrasound to check if I'm ovulating on my own and how my follicle looks, etc. and then I can try naturally for a month, if it doesn't work then she can add clomid.  But one thing we agreed to is that I will be monitored even on my "natural" cycle because last time I was in desperate need of progesterone shots to keep the pregnancy going and that could happen again and I don't want to lose a pregnancy just because I was trying ot do it all on my own.

Being in her office brought back so many great memories!  Up until I met her (and I was pregnant 6 weeks after my first appointment with her!) each appointment at my OB was about disappointments, vague answers, expensive bills because I was labeled as "infertile", the "well, we will just keep on trying" uneducated response from my OB, and the "there's nothing more we can do to help you.  That'll be $650, cash or credit?" from the shitty endocrinologist my OB referred me to.  And then I met MY DOCTOR.  She was awesome and still is.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Green Smoothie, Cheeseburger, or Frosted Donut?

I finally tried my first green smoothie a couple months ago and it was delicious and easy!  It consisted of spinach, banana, pear, pineapple, OJ, and honey.  Weight Watcher's new point plus program makes fruit zero points....as long as you aren't baking them or blending them up so basically if you use them in a recipe and they aren't just cut up on a plate or they come from a can, you have to calculate points.  No biggie I thought, maybe it's 3 or 4 points?  WRONG. WRONG. WRONG.  9 points, I about fainted.  I recalculated and recalculated and sure enough, 9 points! 

For 8 points I can either have a Dunkin Donuts frosted sprinkle donut or a McDonald's cheeseburger.  I know having the smoothie is still the healthier option but this is where I don't totally agree with the zero point fruit concept in Weight Watchers because it's still the same calories whether it's blended up or chopped up on a plate to eat with a fork.  The real key I believe to WW is that nothing is off limits. It's a blessing and a curse and I think nothing off limits means to have a treat once or twice a week.  But if daily I choose the less healthy but equal in points options, I'll never reach my goal.  I had planned on having one green smoothie a day because it takes care of 5 servings of fruits and veggies but I can't for 9 points unless I use it as a meal replacement which it's good, but not filling enough to get me by as an entire meal.  I currently get 29 points a day. 

Are there foods you like that are equal in points to some "not ideal diet foods?"

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Healthy Freezer Meals! Start the New Year off Right!

I love to cook, love it!  However, our grocery bill has become OUT OF CONTROL to the tune of $1300 a month *GASP*.  I know, ridiculous!  Granted, groceries in Alaska are expensive and organic options are limited which makes them extremely expensive.  But I'm not exactly sure how our bill got that high but it seemed every time I turned around to shop for a couple meals after doing the big grocery run once a week, it just always added up to $50-75.  I usually use fresh herbs and sometimes it's like $2.99 for a small palmful of basil or thyme and then buying an entire bottle of a condiment just to use two tablespoons of it.  It adds up.

Before I was pregnant we had went a few times to one of those places where you make the meals there according to their recipes and leave with say 12 freezer meals.  It was okay but it always bothered me that they used the cheapest, fattiest cuts of meat and cheap ingredients (granted, some of it tasted delicious but definitely not Weight Watchers friendly!).  Once I was pregnant and my appetite was diminished, a lot of those meals we had left went to waste.

So in order to accomplish my financial goals and weight loss goals, I'm testing out some freezer meals!  Below are links to the recipes and my comments on them and I find it easier to test a recipe out, make sure you like it, then make a batch to freeze because it stinks to think you have a freezer full of meals only to bake them up and they aren't great so they sit in your freezer forever and don't get eaten up!  It is sometimes overwhelming to use WW recipe builder on a daily basis so this way I'm rotating just a handful of meals that had several ingredients and I took the time yesterday plugging every recipe in and then marking the freezer containers with the points value.  Also, because it's my husband and I and two toddlers, we don't need an entire 9X13 pan of a casserole or 8 burgers at one time so that will cut down on the waste by turning a full size meal into 2-3 "our family size" meals:)

1) Italian Turkey Burgers from Annie's Eats- 4WWP+
These are delicious and I use 99% fat free ground turkey and since I don't love sage, I replaced it with oregano since the fresh herb package called Beef Medley from Fred Meyer's included the herbs I wanted.  I made these and placed each patty between wax paper and froze 3 to a package.  I also froze 3 buns in Ziploc baggies.  I'll serve these with homemade sweet potato fries which I'll make fresh. I'm considering using a sandwich thin or no bread and topping it with roasted red peppers and a very small serving of mozzarella!
2) Crock Pot Chicken Enchilada Soup from Skinnytaste.com- 7WWP+ (includes 2 Tb. shredded cheddar)
So, so, so good and filling!  Just made this last night and I can't say enough good things about it!!  My batch made 6- 1 Cup servings instead of the 1 1/2 cup servings it said it would make but it's definitely plenty for each serving! 
3) Flat Iron Steak with this Marinade-  5WWP+ for 3 oz cooked
I love flat iron steak and I took 2 flat iron steaks (approx 1.4lbs a piece) and cut them in half since my kids refuse to eat steak and they'll probably eat a PB&J that night and mixed the marinade in a big bowl and divided it into 4 ziploc bags along with the steak halves.  I let the steaks marinade about 4 hours before freezing them and when I put the frozen bag in my fridge the evening before I'm going to make the steak, it'll continue to marinade.  I sear the steak in a pan on the stove then move it to a broiling pan in the oven since barbecuing in zero degree weather with two feet of snow on our deck is just not possible right now!  I'll serve this with either a salad or small baked potato and steamed broccoli.  Also, I'm not sure how to calculate marinade since so much of it is left in the bag?  Any suggestions?
4) My Homemade Lasagna- 8 WWP+
Basically I layer lasagna noodles with a meat sauce, a little bit of cottage cheese, mozzarella, and cheddar.  It is not necessarily a "healthy" recipe but I plugged it into my Weight Watchers recipe builder and it came out to 8 points for 1/9th of an 8/8 pan and paired with a big side salad, it will be filling! 
5) Bolognese from Skinnytaste.com - 3WWP+ (for sauce)
This is the only recipe I haven't tried out so I'll edit and update this later but it looks delicious!!  I'm making a double batch and freezing it in ziploc bags once it's cooled.  I plan on serving this with a salad and also I like the Smart Taste Penne with extra fiber and I'm going to do 1/2 cup cooked penne and then spaghetti squash and see if it's good.  I like spaghetti squash...but in all honestly, it does not satisfy my pasta cravings!  So this is a small compromise.
6) Mexican Pulled Pork Tacos from Can You Stay for Dinner?- 5WWP+ (for pork only)
Yum, yum, yum!!!  I make a 2.85lb pork loin and only double the sauce recipe.  I then divide the cooked meat along with a ladle full of the sauce into a ziploc bag.  Each bag serves 4 adults.  My sister also put it on top of a salad and she said it was great.  I've been cooking up green pepper strips and onions with a tiny bit of olive oil to add to my tacos and switched iceberg lettuce shreds with spinach.  I serve this with a Mexican brown rice I make "on the fly".  I cook the brown rice up with chicken broth.  Then I dice up red pepper and onions and saute with olive oil and garlic and sometimes throw in a few shakes of chili powder and cumin.  Then I toss the brown rice with the sauteed veggies and add frozen corn and some black beans (drained and rinsed) and a little bit of chicken brother just so the rice doesn't dry out and I toss it all together in a baking dish and I heat, covered in foil, until it's all warmed up until we are ready to sit down together.  I'll try to take pictures and actually measure out ingredients next time to share with you all.

That's my first months recipes along with the Crock Pot Potato Soup I mentioned earlier. 

Monday, January 2, 2012

Finally Happy to Hear Pregnancy News!

I've heard women who struggled with infertility talk about how hard it is to hear when friends announce their pregnancy and I definitely had my moments along my 3 1/2 year journey to get pregnant.  It got to a point where when the baby shower invite arrived in the mailbox, I quickly replied that I could not attend because I had "other commitments", went to Target to pick something off their registry and walking through the aisles wishing I had the scanner gun in hand to select all the items for MY BABY registry instead of once again buying someone else a baby gift, wrapped the gift, then dropped it off a day or two before the shower.  Now up until I had a baby, none of my BFF's had babies so I wasn't going so far as to decline invites of women who were practically family to me, but I knew I couldn't handle another 3-4 hour baby shower where I'd be on the verge of tears the entire time.  And some of you that haven't received your BFP (and please let 2012 be the year you do get it!!!) you've probably wondered if you'll ever feel different about hearing someone else's baby news and being able to legitimately be happy for them. 

Well, I'm here to say, I think you will because I am able to do it...............my best friend of 24 years just told me she's pregnant and my lip didn't even quiver or my eyes well up wishing it was  me or how unfair it was that it happened for her....on accident....while she was on birth control.....with her boyfriend of only 3 months.  Nope, I actually wanted to reach through the phone and give her a big hug!  I didn't even want to throw any comments out about how it must be nice to get pregnant on accident without the use of drugs, transvaginal ultrasounds and lots of money because insurance didn't cover it.  I know my friend is probably shaken up with the unexpected news and as much as infertility was hard on me and changed who I was (went from crying twice a year if even that and being the life of the party....to well....buying stock in Kleenex and having to actually make myself smile through the PPD), I am thankful for not getting pregnant on accident while still just dating my husband and while he was in the military or even better yet, not getting pregnant while dating all the "winners" I did before my husband.  Even though we would have made it work just like she will, I would still choose the way it happened for us.

I'm already planning all the things I will make her for her baby and I'm digging out What to Expect When You are Expecting, Baby Wise, breastfeeding books, and my Jenny McCarthy books to pass on to her this week.  The news of her pregnancy is still shocking to me just in the way of she is probably the last person I expected to get pregnant in this way, but jealous or sad...not even close!

I would still love to have at least one more baby, but not right now and when the time comes I'm sure it won't be on accident and it will probably still involve monitoring by my doctor, a handful of blood tests, ultrasounds and a few pills but right now, I'm enjoying other friends' pregnancy news and not even thinking, "Why not me?"