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Wednesday, January 19, 2011

My ovaries ache

I didn't even know what PCOS was until about 3 years into TTC so I was not really aware of my body and things I was feeling up to that point but the past couple weeks, the areas where my ovaries are, feel sore and sometimes I get these twinges of pain and I don't know if it's something new or something I had before I was pregnant and just paid no attention to.  I don't know if it could be cysts or something else or just that time of the month but when it happens I start to think, 'What if last time was just my one shot to be pregnant and have a biological baby and that was it?  What if I never get pregnant again?'   I don't really remember having pain there before I got pregnant with Dylan but at this point I really don't want to ask the doctor about it because I know my doctor and most likely she'd have me get a transvaginal ultrasound to just make sure.  And I just need to soak up where I'm at in my life now with my 2 boys and not be worried about how not normal my body is.  My mom had endometreosis when she got pregnant with me and even though my dad would have liked to wait a while before having another kid, my mom's doctor told her her time to be able to get pregnant was coming to an end.  She had a hysterectomy right after having me.  That's always concerned me that I could go through the same thing.

I don't know if women who have experienced infertility ever get over the worrying until they are done having kids.  Have any of my readers had a baby after having trouble conceiving your first child?  Did you receive the same treatments/drugs and how long did it take compared to the first time once you were actively TTC again?  I'd really love to hear from you.


  1. When was your last cyle? I know this might be strange...but what if you ARE pregnant? cramping is an early sign! "You might think it is just your period coming on again, when in reality you may be experiencing very early signs of pregnancy." (web) Well, I do think your body is more fertile the second time around. I know most people who had a super easy time getting pregnant the first time, they could have secondary infertility (although that isn't you) my point is, I know that is it is the reverse for those that TTC for years with the first, and the second usually comes as a surprise? odd I know!

    Im sorry you hurt- I hope it all turns out okay for ya Brandi!

  2. I too have twinges in my ovaries alot. In my mind I know its probably cysts, but my heart feels that little bit of hope that what if this could be my body deciding to ovulate on its own for once. I know how crazy that sounds, but I cant help but hold on to a little something.

    I concieved my daughter when I was 18 and on birth control, and as for TTC again, I think it was harder this time. I guess since I had been pregnant before, I just expected it to happen, and when it never did, I was devistated. I still have a hard time to some degree. I am very fearful of looking back on my life 5 yrs from now and regretting not trying harder, and by then it will be too late.
    My husband is really the one who pulled the plug on the TTC ing. I would have loved to keep trying. He is 6yrs older than me and already has 2 kids with his ex with no problems, so partially, Im not sure he understands where I come from. Dont get me wrong, hes not a bad guy, but I think that we may be in different places in life. He did say if I magically became pregnant that he would be happy, but lets face it, when you have PCOS, you just cant leave things to chance.
    During my treatments, he really complained about my mood swings etc. The sex on demand really didnt bother him because I tried to keep things eventful as possible.
    Initially when we started dating we both agreed on no more kids, but at that time I was in my early to mid 20's and just leaving a long abusive marriage. A baby was the last thing I ever wanted. After being together only 5 months I did become pregnant by surprise but lost the baby before we even had a chance to discuss any long term plans. I niavely thought I could just get pregnant again at a later date if we ended up married down the road.
    He is very sensitive to my infertility issues, and he always tries to protect me from situations that he knows really bother me. ( baby commercials, pregnancy tv etc.)
    I just think the emotional toll that TTC takes on a couples marriage can make or break you. At this point, I have had to make a choice, and that is to keep TTC and break my marriage or to let it go and to move on and just enjoy my hubby & the kids we have.I just try taking one day at a time. Sorry to ramble like crazy.. just thought Id share :)


  3. Annie, I started almost 2 weeks ago but I get the twinges off and on. I started BC this cycle because I'm such a control freak that leaving the protection up to my husband was stressful (especially after he suggested we just start trying now! I'm waiting!). I hope this next time is easier, I'm more educated about PCOS, clomid, and metformin but you never know what curve ball life will throw at us.

    Teresa, my DH is 6 years older too! And it definitely concerns him to wait too long to complete our family but financially we just need to wait until fall. My mom and aunts were teenagers when they got pregnant the first time so I always thought I was fertily Myrtle, HA! I hope you and your hubby keep supporting each other. It is interesting how lots of people say that if they get pregnant on accident they'd be happy but aren't willing to actually say "let's get pregnant." As women, I think even when we are trying to get pregnant by "accident" and then we get a BFN, it still hurts some days. That was probably all confusing what I just wrote, but yes, the life of a lady with infertility is confusing when we can't just get pregnant on cue!

  4. I have similar thoughts, but I really feel positive about the method of treatment that worked for us (metformin/glucophage and a very restricted diet to deal with the insulin resistance), so I'm hopeful that we'll be able to go that route again and it will work.

    Our little girl is only 10 weeks, but after waiting for her for 4 years, we're hoping to start trying pretty quickly!

    Recently found your blog and YT channel and am loving both! Your hair is so cute in the latest videos, too! Nice to "meet" you!"

    The Subfertile Frugalista