It's Hard

First there was the video when Dylan was about 3 months old and I was trying to describe how everything was going since he was born and the minute I said, "It's hard."  Cue the tears, bright red face, and ugly cry and I barely managed to say, "It's really hard." And I continued to talk through my crying and finish the video.  I deleted it a few weeks later and never uploaded it to You Tube.  How was I supposed to post something like that where I knew many TTC'ers experience fertility  problems were trying to get pregnant and here I was with my sweet little baby in my arms telling THEM it was hard.  I felt guilty.  So I just deleted it.  Because hard is NOT having a baby right?  I'm guilty of kind of laughing under my  breath at women talking about it took them a while to get pregnant and they are counting months and not years so I don't really want to hear what they have to say because they don't know what hard is.  But my hard is different than your hard and YOURS and you over there. 

I kept getting messages on YT in the past year saying that I should make videos and people missed me.  But what the heck did I have to make a video about?!  I figured no one wanted to hear that I hated breastfeeding.  There were days when I was like, it's not so bad and yes it's pretty amazing I can feed a baby, but most of the time I did not like it.  I wanted my body back, I was sick of people asking how it was going or sharing just how many months they breastfeed for.  Or just all the crap I heard and read about formula and that ANY ONE can get their supply back or increased (this is false.  just in case the Le Leche league won't tell you the truth, it's absolutely false.  Not every women produces enough milk for their baby.  End of Story.) 

This weekend I caught up on some videos that I subscribe to on You Tube and even checked out some other vloggers  I'd never watched before and it's so hard sometimes to watch the videos and then feel like I need to sensor what I'm about to say on my video so I don't offend anyone or sound insensitive.  But there was some talk about adoption and how it's just too expensive and it makes me want to scream at my computer.  I whole heartedly believe that anyone of sound mind and desire to be an awesome parent can be a parent within a matter of months!  It's called Foster Care.  They're called legally free/risk free placements.  The adoption process costs you nothing.  These kids don't have people lined up at an adoption agency with really cool scrap books that highlight their great family with fingers crossed that just one birth mom picks them out of the stack.  They are newborns and toddlers that belongings are packed into a black trash bag and far too often experience the days after their birth in the nursery at the hospital where no one cuddles them for hours and takes pictures of them and tells them how long they've waited for their arrival.  And upon their arrival, a social worker is frantically calling around begging a foster family to please consider a baby.  And you could be their mom.  AND you can still continue to TTC all the while loving on a precious baby.  It can happen and I hope for all those babies that are in a hospital nursery without a family to love them, that you decide that you will take the next step in adopting through the foster care system.  Please just think about it.