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Monday, February 6, 2012

Babies are God's Gifts, or Are They?

*before anyone reads this, I just want to say this is my blog, my personal space to share my thoughts and even if you and I do not agree, I don't ever want to worry about censoring myself as to not offend my readers*

My friend finally posted this past weekend on Facebook that she was expecting her first baby in July and I've known for over a month now.  She's about 15 weeks pregnant already which in my experience you have the women that tells as soon as that test gives them a BFP or the women that wait until the 12th week to post.  So to post at 15 weeks in my opinion is odd and instantly begs the question, 'Why did she wait that long?"  I know for my friend it was probably because she knew everyone was going to be shocked because I'm sure they never saw this coming.  A quick backstory- my friend first met her baby's daddy in March and then he left for a mission with the Army and came back in August 2012.  They found out she was pregnant at the end of November, 36 hours before he was set to deploy for 10 months.  My friend is 29, her boyfriend was 23 at the time and this came way out of left field for all of us that have been friends with her for over 20 years as far as the guy she was dating and that she was pregnant.  They are eloping this month when he comes back for his 2 week break from his deployment because she "wants this baby for free and doesn't want to pay anything for her delivery."  I've never agreed with getting married just to get someone's benefits but seeing as how my husband was in the military for 14 years, I've seen this happen a lot.  Which brings me to the comments on my friend's FB page and her mother's page after the announcement. 

More than a dozen times people are telling her babies are a gift from God, you are so blessed!  I just do not agree.  I admit I do not go to church, both mine and mine husband's families do not attend church or read the bible.  When people ask about my religion I tell them I do not have one but that I was raised with good values.  Because it's true, my family are great people because we were taught really great values.  So when I see people who are in loving, stable, long term committed relationships go through miscarriages, still births, failed adoptions and not being able to get pregnant ever I wonder how someone could think God has anything to do with who gets a baby and who doesn't?  I think it's plain biology if you ask me!  I think if someone prays and attends church and that provides them with a way to figure out a better way to deal with the pain of infertility, then that is great!  I read people's blogs and when they write verses from the bible that are helping them in a trying time, I think that's great!  But I don't think God wanted my friend to have a baby right now in this situation- I think it's the fact she took her BC pill sometime during the day but rarely at the same time (she said a lot of times it was 8 am and the next day 8pm) and she had lots of sex before her boyfriend left and BAMMM, she got pregnant. 

And does God ignore and when her boyfriend writes "a women should be so lost in god that it takes finding jesus before you can ever find her" on his FB page one day and then the next few days is leaving comments to his friends such as "college pussys", "Eat it Dick", "Kind of like your sex life, not enough action."  Come on people, for real????  God gifted a baby to a man that talks like that and when he is home goes to church every Sunday?  If He's gifting babies doesn't he care more about the day to day actions and thoughts than 2 hours on a Sunday? 

Yes, I get a bit amped up when I see certain people get pregnant that I do think it's the wrong time and place only for them to act like it's God's gift!  What about my son AJ's mom?  She couldn't take care of her first 2 kids, so He gifted her with another baby where she did drugs while pregnant and she lost that baby too? 

Really this discussion has nothing to do with not being happy for someone that's pregnant but this weekend, my dear friend just experienced her second miscarriage and so I just don't understand why people believe it's completely in God's hands when they do or do not get pregnant, isn't it just biology and chemistry?


  1. This is a wonderful thought to ponder! First, you know by my blog Ms. Brandi that I am Catholic! I belive that we all have free will. If you just go around saying.. "God this and God that..." that doesnt mean it's truly GOD working in your life! I think also that from all bad comes good/ for some reason, this child was concieved. We never know what the future holds! I think to play up God while making careless free will choices is all on that person, not God. She chose to have sex out of marraige. And that is the outcome! It is a wonderful outcome, but sometimes WE make those things happen in our lives, NOT GOD! God doesn't make one a drug head just because they chose to try drugs, he was testing them and their free will confirmed a choice. Hope this clears things up! One last thought...for the belivers, God doesn't want just weekends- he wants full custody. So Brandi I aggree with you there. Its better to be an on fire agnostic than a luke warm catholic, or anything for that matter! :)

  2. There is not enough "like" in the world for this post!! Thank you!!

  3. I hear you on so many levels. After I lost Eden, I stayed angry at God for a long time. I have realized in my life that God didn't take Eden from me...but He did work it out for the good. We got Levi one year to the month of loosing her and although I will never know "why", I do have peace.
    I guess for me there are so many things that have happened in my life that I can't call coincedence. I do believe in God, but His ways are a mystery.
    I know what you mean about people saying babies are a blessing from God. I believe they are, but I do believe those babies don't have to be birthed from their mom to be a blessing. Very few people call an adopted baby a blessing and that bothers me.
    It used to bother me when people lived like hypocrites and crack heads were having babies, but it's one of those things I can't control, so I block it out. FB was getting on my LAST nerve, so I deleated it. You're so on point about that one and the way people live their lives.
    I guess I am rambling, but I will say that I totally believe that children, no matter how they come into our families are a blessing. However, we do know that humans have free will...so many times those choices are hard to understand, just like His will.
    Love ya Brandi!

  4. Annie, I'm surprised in a good way to hear you say, "I think to play up God while making careless free will choices is all on that person, not God." I just think when I hear people say this is God's gift my first thought is, 'God wanted to give her a baby? This is God's doing? He decided she was ultimately more deserving than the person that is miscarrying a baby at this very moment? I don't think so!'

    Kim, the word blessing to me makes more sense even though I can't articulate exactly what I believe people mean by using that word....but the word GIFT, I guess I just believe I think gifts are something given to deserving people and are handed over with thought and happiness...it's not called God's Challenge because people have challenges that sometimes I don't understand why they have to go through (cancer, miscarrying, job layoffs, etc.) but sometimes I believe those help shape those people's character for the better or bring people closer together...but again, the word gift just has never sat right with me when talking about babies and birth mothers. When you talk about adopted babies not being called a blessing, I totally get that. I hear more often, "I just couldn't do that but it's so great you have!" AJ is most definitely one of the greatest gifts I've received and I do not think the gift was to his mother.

    Okay, now I'm just rambling:)

  5. You have just poured out on here everything i have been thinking for so long! i agree 100% with everything you said. It bothers me to see so many people give God all this credit for things that happen in their lives. Whatever happened to giving yourself credit for the hard work and perseverance you displayed? Being in the situation i am now, i will not be giving some belief the credit i deserve.