Just Keep Swimming! Diet Bet Challenge Results

As silly as it may seem, this little Finding Nemo quote is what I've been repeating in my head several time a day since January 1st.  Even when I eat exactly my weight watchers points and put 6 hours in the gym a week, sometimes a very small loss shows up on the scale instead of the 2 pounds I was hoping before.  At times in the past I just threw my arms up in the air, had a pity party and went back to my unhealthy lifestyle.  But I have to keep focused and know that it will pay off, the weight will come off and so much is out of my control while so much is in my control.

I weighed in for Roni's New Year Diet Bet yesterday and I made it by .1 lbs!!  I lost 8.2 lbs in the 4 weeks of the challenge.  Haven't heard of Diet Bet, go check it out at www.DietBet.com.  Roni is starting a February challenge with a $20 buy in starting tomorrow, I'm definitely in!  I did celebrate a little with a serving of baked ravioli that I didn't eat with my family the night before because a bowl of pasta prior to weight in usually spells disaster for me and for dessert I had a small piece of chocolate cake I had in the freezer and I scoop of light ice cream.  I went over 12 points for my daily points.  I woke up this morning and I lost 1.6 lbs, now tell me how that makes any darn sense at all?! Last week I only loss .4lbs for the week.  It didn't add up.  But have you ever watched the Biggest Loser when a contestant comes up on the scale and a gain or zero comes up on the scale?  You know that they put it in the work so they just keep pushing, they just kept swimming. So that's what I'm going to keep doing.

I was talking to my sister about my small loss earlier this week and she (who had gestational diabetes and had to pay attention to the glycemic index this past summer) asked if I was drinking milk.  It threw me for a second and then she said that it was higher on the glycemic index than most people would think.  What about bread, even whole grain, did I eat bread a lot?  Because that can really get you but you know you can have pizza.  Wait! Wait! Wait!  WHAT?  I do understand the science behind what she's saying, but even when I asked if she meant just like thin crust veggie pizza, she didn't mean that at all.  And I didn't eat hardly any bread BTW.  But still, I don't think I'm overweight because I drank too much skim milk or ate a turkey sandwich on whole grain bread with mustard, tomatoes and spinach leaves and instead I should have just been eating pizza?  I'm not looking for a quick fix.  One thing I know is losing weight just to turn around and gain it all back plus some is an awful feeling.  Tell me skim milk and bread is off limits, guess what I'll want to eat all day every day?  Bread and milk.

Last week I did buy a new pair of shoes that I was fitted for at our small local running store and also a new sports bra so I could stop wearing two bras to hold everything in and up!  Finally, most of my calf pain is gone and I don't have to stop my Couch to 5 K 12 minutes in!  I have had to step up my water intake to help also.  I'm starting week 4 of the couch to 5K tomorrow, it's crazy how quickly you get better on that program.  Anyone else dreaded the timed mile in school PE classes?  I was always dead last, now I'm going to rock 3.1 miles come this spring!

What I'm Eating This Week

One thing I remember about being successful losing weight previously is that I basically ate the same thing a week at a time.  I love to cook, absolutely love it, but it's time consuming and often leaves less energy to work out or spend time with my family at night so lately I've been making a recipe on Monday night and eating the left overs through Saturday.  The first week I made Spicy Honey-Brushed Chicken Thighs and couscous.  The next week I made Cheesy Meat Loaf Minis and sweet potatoes. 

Tonight I will make Weight Watchers Chicken Cordon Bleu and wild rice for dinner and eat the left overs the rest of the week and for lunch I'll make a black bean soup.  I do weigh and measure everything!  Also, I've found that bringing a piece of fruit, pretzels and water in the car with me has helped me from not feeling super hungry between lunch and dinner.  I've also stopped going to Starbucks cold turkey since January 1st.  I was so addicted to that stuff and I hope to just make it a once a week treat in February versus the 5-6 times a week I was ordering it.

Here's what else I'll be eating.........
Breakfast:
Organic Maple Brown Sugar Oatmeal with 1/2 Tb. butter and a dash of cinnamon
Blueberries
Brewed coffee with Sugar Free Vanilla Coffeemate (which I believe to be a bunch of chemicals in a bottle but I like it,  yikes!)

Lunch:
Black bean soup with 1 Tb. light sour cream and salsa
Carrot sticks

Dinner:
Chicken Cordon Bleu
Wild Rice
Sliced yellow pepper strips raw

Snacks:
Banana
Cutie oranges
Pretzel Sticks
Fiber One Brownie (a processed food but loving it)
Cookies and Cream Skinny Cow (limited to 2 per week)

Update to my previous post...

First of all, thank you for your comments about my marriage woes.  My DH left yesterday and flew out of state until Friday night for training for his job and it's actually a welcome relief to just have some space.   He left on a good note and we had another heart to heart talk.  But as you could probably tell by my last post, I'm pretty much at my end of having talks because I know it's only a matter of time before it's bad again. 

Before I got married, I always assumed a spouse would do something such as becoming physically abusive or cheat and that'd be the signal the marriage was over because growing up that's all I could remember that caused people we knew to get divorced.  So when I started dating my husband and we had difficulties that didn't fall into those categories I figured you  just keep working on it and stay together.  After nearly 10 years together, neither of those two events have occurred so then it's like when do you call it quits? 

I'm considering doing the Love Dare but on the other hand I want to work selfishly to make myself as whole as possible by getting healthy physically and mentally.  Not that you can't do the Love Dare while doing those things but sometimes I tend to take on too much at one time.  I just need to consider it for a little while longer before making a decision.  That's where I'm at today, again, thanks for hearing me out on the last post:)

Staying Together For The Kids

I married my husband in the summer of 2005.  I can admit now in the privacy of this blog that the week before we had a major melt down in our relationship and my gut told me it wasn't the right decision to get married to him.  But wedding preparations had already taken place, out of state guests had their plane tickets bought and so I just brushed it off as nothing is perfect, everyone fights from time to time, and we'd be fine. 

And some days, well at least once or twice a month I still feel like we weren't ready and maybe we aren't just meant to be as husband and wife.  Since we've been together we've endured 4 deployments, an ad on adult friend finder seeking a casual sexual relationship (was brushed off as  my husband's female coworker had an ad on the site and his buddies made him post one so they could see more of her profile, I know I was possibly stupid to buy that lie), DUI 5 months after we were married which costs us over $10,000, 4 years of layoffs 6 months each time, infertility, adoption and the stress that I wrote about often here, an unbearable mother in law, screaming matches and one that was so verbally abusive last May that I had to call my mom in tears asking her to come quickly and take my kids so they didn't have to witness it anymore as I'm bawling asking my husband to please just stop for 10 minutes so I can get the kids out of the house, and so on.  It seriously feels like a train wreck.  I don't know anyone else who's had a marriage like this who didn't get divorced so holding on and still trying to make it work is exhausting. 

So when is enough?  I think the movie Fireproof is awesome, I watched it again yesterday.  But how do you continue after the first couple months and not slip back into old habits.  We go out on dates at least twice a month (yes I plan them, he has no part it in and will not take initiative to do it), yes we hold hands, yes we say I love you, yes he buys me flowers out of the blue, yes I make his favorite dinner as a surprise and clean the house spotless so we can relax the rest of the weekend.  But none of it helps.

I don't even desire to go to marriage counseling because it was a train wreck.  I do think I need individual counseling though, I've never had that except one session with the marriage counselor where she wanted to know all my sexual and dating history which was humiliating to retell.  And I fear that by going to counseling that the counselor might tell me that I shouldn't be married and that maybe it's in my and my kids best interest to be divorced.

You know how hard it is to stick to a diet and exercise plan when you are constantly at battle with your husband??  I've done it for 18 days and it's one of the hardest things ever not to grab a treat to feel some kind of happiness or not workout because you are so pissed you can't see straight.  But the last thing I'll let him do is destroy me because I want to be the best mom and example I can be for  my kids.

Can I let you in on a secret?  The only reason I don't go file for divorce is the thought of him dating or marrying another woman and her playing mommy to my kids half of the time is the worst thought in the world.  It also means that I have no intentions of having another baby because it's not okay to bring a baby into this relationship which means my desire to have more children will likely not be fulfilled. 

I think long lasting marriages have bad times and sometimes even bad years, but how long do  you keep trying before you realize the relationship will never be what it needs to be for all of us to be happy?  I'm wondering if anyone out there has been through this and can give me advice or words of wisdom.

65 Pound to Lose, Will 2013 be THE Year?

If you were to ask me why this year is the year I'm going to lose the weight versus any of the last 20 years I was over weight, I wouldn't know how to answer.  I don't know if this means I'm slightly doomed to fail or if the same reasons I should have lost weight before and kept it off before are still the reasons I need to lose weight today.

Health, self esteem, and energy.  That's why I want to lose the weight.

Before I ever knew what PCOS was, I still knew it was unhealthy to be so overweight but now that I understand PCOS, I really understand how it changes my hormones and how my body functions.  I'm not just a fat girl that gets her period like everyone else every month.  I have periods that don't come, I have ones that come for 2 weeks at a time, stop for a week, then come for 2 weeks again.  I have hair that I have to shave everyday from my stomach and I've lasered hair off my arms (which is amazing by the way, totally do it if you can spend the money!) and yes, it's possible even at a normal weight I could still have those things, but I'll never know until I lose the weight and I'll feel less guilty knowing that I did what I could to lessen those physical problems.  Today, I'm on 1000 mg Metformin and synthroid. 

Since I've been working out and eating better, I already feel more proud of myself than I've felt in years.  I can look in the mirror and see the positive features of my body and not dwell so much on the parts I want to change.  I know that even in a size 14/16 and XL that I can still look nice, where clothes that make me feel good, but that every time I sit down, my muffin top explodes over my pants and it is actually physically uncomfortable to sit.

Since becoming a mom, my mind sort of goes numb around 7pm when the kids go to bed because I'm exhausted.  Or was exhausted.  I was wasting valuable hours each day by just sitting on my couch and doing nothing productive.  Last night when the Biggest Loser was on, I decided I might as well go to the gym and watch it since we have no cable and just rabbit ears which don't pick up NBC for some reason.  So I walked at 3.1mph for 1 hour 52 minutes.  Crazy right?  But it wasn't hard and I wasn't doing it to get a high intensity work out, I just felt I had the energy and it seemed ironic to just keep watching season after season of the BL while sitting on the couch and usually eating dessert.  I need the energy and I want the energy.  I want to look for reasons to be active or productive each day instead of finding reasons to not be which is how I've lived most of my life. 

My goal this year is to lose 65 pounds.  I weighed in at 200.2 lbs on New Year's Day and I joined Roni's Weigh Diet Bet where I have 4 weeks to lose 4% of my weight or I lose my $20 bet.  I weighed in at night so the scale read 202.8 lbs. As of last night, it read 195.8!  Seriously, it used to take me 5-6 months to lose that much. I often lost .2, gained .4, lost .4, lost nothing and on and on.  I decided to cancel my monthly pass to meeting on Weight Watchers.  I thought it would hold me accountable, but it didn't.  When I lost 25 pounds before on WW, it was just online.  I've tracked every day and stick to my 29 points and I only eat probably 10 points of my extra 49 they give you and I don't eat my activity points.  So far, so good.  I'm starting Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred tonight and I'll post before and after pictures.  I'm also doing the couch to 5K (previously I never got past the week that you run a mile finally) and I love it.  It feels good to make this body run and I couldn't care less if the hard bodies at the gym watch my wobbly bits bouncing around as I power through each work out.

I have lots to catch up with you on- to get pregnant or not, marriage, parenting toddlers, downsizing our lifestyle and paying off debt, and so on.  I hope you all are still reading:)

I'm alive and okay! Missed you all!

I will do a longer post later, but just wanted to say I'm here, I'm doing well and just A LOT going on!  Just a few quick highlights and then my next post I'm going to do a photo dump for you all because sometimes that's easier than long posts:)
-In May I got offered to move to a company and decrease my expenses by $20,000 a year, I was torn and new I just had to do it....until the head of my current company made me realize what we all know, nothing is free.  There would be a cost even if I couldn't see it right now for switching.  So I stayed.
- I had my best summer ever in my career which means working a ton, missing a few family dinners and a few nights of tucking in kids.
-We decided to short sale our house, bank approved us, I had 20 showings and 5 offers in 24 hours.  Talk about overwhelming to get your house show ready in 48 hours, then have people parade through your house non-stop all the while your neighbors are wondering what the heck is going on (because we didn't post a for sale sign).  Lots of tears over this process but it truly is the right thing to do (Not to get too personal but we owed $495,000 and have never taken money out of the house or done a HELOC, bank approved to let us sell at $375,000 which sucks because we can afford the house at that price, but that's not how that stuff works).
-Then it was, where are we going to live??  And then it all came together, my friends house was coming up for rent because she's buying a new one and I LOVE her house, it's half the size of mine but I've wanted to down size for the last 5 years and now my kids will have a fenced back yard which playing outside is there favorite thing!  We move in a month.  Bittersweet.
-My weight loss is going no where, hello stress!  I've only managed to keep 10 pounds out of the 15 off....but in a year, that's sort of pathetic.  I need to get serious...but before I do I'm going to show you all the amazing cakes I've made in the past 5 months.  Sort of PCOSer's nightmare, but every bite was worth it:)
-My hubby is back to school, 3 nights a week so it's me and the boys and they are so much easier this year, last year, I wanted to pull my hair out every night!
-AJ started preschool 2 half days a week and loves it!  It's a parent co-op meaning one parent helps each day so we volunteer about 5-6 times a year but it's great and I'm on the board for the preschool.
-My In-laws are coming for Thanksgiving...for 3 days.  You all remember the epic fail their stay was 3 years ago when Dylan was born....let this time be different since I really haven't spoke to my MIL since then.
-So excited for the holidays, lots of crafting we'll be happening that I can't wait to share!
-We are doing Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover and by April we should be debt free!  Any of you follow him?

So thank you all for checking in on me, promise to come back with  more posts and pictures to fill in the blanks:)

Foster Care Adoption: Do You Qualify for the Adoption Tax Credit?

To say we were shocked to find out we did actually qualify for the 2011 is an understatement!!  I'm not a CPA so if you adopted last year, you need to talk to a professional to see if you qualify but for those looking into adoption through foster care like we did, here's a few things we found out:

-Most kids in our foster care system are considered special needs.  Special needs can be because of their age, race, sibling group as well as medical needs.  As you know, our son is Native and was automatically considered special needs even though he has absolutely zero medical or psychological issues.  Because he was special needs, we qualified for the credit.

-The state paid all attorney fees, home study costs, and everything else that had to do with our adoption.  We had no out of pocket costs.  But the credit still applies because our son is considered special needs.

-Their is an income cap for adjusted gross income of around $185,000 and then the credit is phased out by $222,520.

-Say you didn't have $13,170 in tax in 2011 or say you don't have any tax liability last year (I say this because when my husband was in the military and deployed half the year, and we owned a house, we had 2 years where we owed nothing in tax), you still can get the the full $13,170 refunded!

Now, do I think you all should rush down to your local foster care office and adopt to get the credit, HECK NO!!!  But do I think it's amazing the government sees the need for adoptive families and are willing to give them a break on their taxes or reimburse some of the private adoption costs in order to allow more families the opportunity to adopt, YES I DO!!

Here is a link to the IRS' Six Things To Know About The Expanded Adoption Credit!