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Thursday, March 3, 2011

Confronting my Husband about his bad eating habits...bad idea:(

My husband came home early from class yesterday and said he had thrown up so his teacher told him just to head home.  I asked what he ate and he said he didn't eat lunch.  He says this A LOT and most of the time it's true.  Me, I may miss lunch once every couple months and let me tell you, I get nauseous and usually get a headache so I thought, well no wonder he got sick.  He had a really small breakfast and never brings snacks to class or work.  Oh and drinks a huge soda every day.

Well it was my turn to do dishes last night and I always run through our bedrooms for glasses that we've left in there and on his nightstand was a bowl that obviously had Oreos and ice cream in it previously.  Yep, he had came home for lunch and downed a bowl of ice cream and mini oreos (I don't even know how he found those, I'd tossed them on a high shelf in the back so I didn't start eating them, should have just tossed them in the trash!).  I grabbed the bowl and asked him if he had ice cream as his lunch and commented no wonder that he threw up in class.  You can't just let your blood sugar get so low by not eating for 6 plus hours and then give it a sugar overload.

After the kids went to bed, I decided to tell him I was concerned about his eating and health. He has chewed tobacco since he was in high school and top that off with bad eating habits, it's just really unhealthy.  I've also had to help Dylan poop 3 times in the past month.  Sorry to be so graphic but it's awful when your baby screams because they are so constipated from eating just carbs and cheese all day because his dad doesn't make sure he eats fruit and vegetables!  Every time it's happened, I've asked what Dylan ate the entire day and it's been like waffles or pancakes for breakfast, then a cheeseburger or grilled cheese for lunch.  And that's it, no sides or anything.  And I get that Dylan is picky lately with his food but he has to do better.  We had a big talk about it and he was doing much better but in the past couple weeks, he's bought fast food for the boys way too much in my opinion so I feel it is my place to be upset.

However, once I started talking about how he eats, it turned into how he spends $60+ a week eating fast food and getting snacks from the gas station and that doesn't he know he is heading down the same path as his family (they are all extremely obese. His brother weighs 400 lbs, his dad is definitely in the 300's) and he talks about how bad they eat, but that he wasn't much better. And that I was fed up with him saying he doesn't feel good all the time.  Well yeah,  you don't take care of yourself.  And his not feeling good turns into me being supportive by saying, "Just rest, I'll make dinner.  I'll get the dishes.  I'll give the boys their baths."  When really it's like, eat something healthy and stop downing Dr. Pepper and cheeseburgers and maybe you won't feel like crap all the time!  I even told him, I'm not saying he needs to lose weight, I don't care about that, but that he needs to feel better.  But once I opened my mouth, it was like I couldn't stop.  I even said I'm taking his debit card and he can have $20 in cash a week to spend eating out.  Which really, that's like me treating him like a child unless I did the same.  I eat out maybe twice during the work week and it's McDonald's oatmeal and a vanilla iced coffee. 

I believe that when people get upset at others for an issue, sometimes they are projecting their own issues on that person.  So maybe that's it?  I used to think if he just didn't eat it in front of me, then it was fine, but I hate that he is eating fast food every day.

I don't even know how to back track because I'm sorry the way it came across and I kind of just blind sided him, but it is important for me for him to be healthy.  He is in and out of the doctors all the time and we have an entire shelf in one of our cabinets with a million bottles of his prescriptions.  We even have an at home blood pressure machine because 2 months ago, his blood pressure sky rocketed and the doctors ordered him to take his blood pressure every day.  I could really use your advice on how to discuss health and nutrition with your spouse or do you just leave it alone?


  1. I would continue to express your concern. But no one changes their behavior because someone just tells them to. Sometimes people don't even realize they have any "problem". It's going to require so much patience from you. I'm sure you've tried baby steps like getting rid of junk food at home, cooking healthier meals so there aren't any unhealthy options etc. But if he is completely not ready to make any change, becasue he doesn't see an issue, your job could be just to see if he can realize that maybe there is a problem after all (trips to the doctor often, getting nauseous in the middle of the day, needs lots of prescription meds). IT can take a long time for someone to even realize that what you consider a problem in their life actually is one. Maybe he is fine with how things are because he's seen this in his family. So be patient, don't expect him to be ready to change because you are ready for that. He might just not be there yet. Sorry, I know it is easy to say, hard to do.

  2. Thanks for the suggestions:) I'm trying to not project my weight issues on to him and focusing on his problems. The past few days have been better and he even told me he's pulled in to McDonald's parking lot 4 times this week, and 3 of those times he left without ordering. baby steps I guess?

  3. Baby steps are great!!! They are very under-rated. But very powerful.