weight ticker

Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Calorie Counter

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

So confused

I wasn't going to write this post until some final decisions have been made but it hurts to keep it inside.  I might be getting a divorce.  I'm trying to be calm about it.  I'm trying to look at it as I'll be okay.  My husband is mad as hell and blames me and instead of sitting there blaming him for all his faults I just told him that that was fine that he felt that way and it doesn't matter if I agree or not, it's still over.  Plus, if I'm really all those things he says I am and I'm that awful, why would he want to stay.  And that all I ask is that we go about it as calmly as possible so that we don't hurt the kids or confuse them more than necessary.  I keep trying to say that I'll just make it work but he's so mad at me and spiteful that I know it's the end.  I was just thinking this weekend, what makes some couples able to work out their problems and stay married and why do others decide to end it?  I definitely don't want my kids to be from a broken home.  But it's a broken home if everything carries on this way.  The thought of not seeing my kids every single day scares the heck out of me, it truly is the only scary part that I feel right now.  And we are in the middle of an adoption.  I won't do anything with courts until that's final because I think after 2 years of being a mother to my oldest son, it's not okay for the courts to decide anything drastic because he may end up with divorced adopted parents.  I wouldn't risk his adoption for anything.  Yes I feel awful that if we get divorced that he is getting short changed by not having us both their full time but he will still have a great life I promise.

I'm sure most of you can't relate because most of my followers are married. couples dealing with infertility and trying to build their families, not tear it apart.  I keep trying to run through every possible scenario on how to fix our marriage.  But just like our marriage counseling, those ideas are short lived and barely help but certainly don't get us back on track.  I feel awkward even writing this.  I surely didn't set out to blog such a depressing blog when I decided to do this instead of videos.  I'd love to show you all the arts and crafts I do with my kids, the delicious recipes I make, how I decorate my home but the truth is my life is a whirlwind of events.  Nothing came easy to me- pregnancy, weight loss, being a foster mom, dealing with a newborn that had colic and my PPD, finances and my husbands layoffs.  It's not picture perfect, but who's life is?  I just wonder if everyone else has it this tough?


  1. I really hope he opens up to you and you can work it out if that's what you want.
    Yes, we all go through things. Add to that infertility, adoption and everyday life, it can be hard.
    Many warned us after we lost Eden that many couples don't make it through the loss of a child. We were very aware of that.
    We learned something about marriage before we got married. It's not 50/50, but 100/100. It's so hard to give 100 percent to your spouse when there are so many things pulling each of you in a million directions. (when I say each of you...I mean all of us who are married)
    I have no advice, but I pray your husband gets to the point where he wants to work it out, because in my opinion he has a one awesome wife. You seem so geniun, and appear to be such a caring, loving momma too. ((HUGS))

  2. thinking of you brandi!!
    ~Tangeygirl (Jaime)

  3. I too really hope you can work things out Brandi. I really believe it takes a brave person to accept when things are over and it is especially easy to carry on regardless for the sake of children, but who will suffer in the long run? You should do what feels right for you, and what would be best for your boys.

    Marriage is hard at times and takes a LOT of hard work but like I said, I hope you can work on things.

    Thinking of you,
    Shel x

  4. I really pray you can work things out Brandi. :( I do to understand the struggles of marriage. As years pass you both change individually, and sometimes it's hard to understand or accept these changes. However, in the end, that's still the person that you looked eye to eye with at the alter and committed your life to him "for better for worse." I read that your in the worse right now. I've been there. But you can come out of it! As life is a journey of ups and downs so is a marriage. It's a living thing, that one must continue to nurture no matter how ragged it may become. I believe if one removes the thought process of "what I need" and work on "what does my partner need" and "how can I make him/her happy," then your needs will be met too in the end. My husband and I decided when we got married that divorce would never be an option. We didn't say anything about murder though, ha! Just kidding, in all seriousness, if you truly want your family to flourish don't let divorce be an option. Thinking and praying for you and your family! With love, Britt

  5. This is Britt again, one more thing. I had a friend who was faced with the same dilemma and the words that came from her 6 year old seemed like words of age and wisdom. The young child said, momma I know you and daddy are having trouble getting along and you have broken up, but why is it when I fight with my sissy that you tell me to get along with her and that she is my sister and I have to love her. Why can't you and daddy do that and just love one another? I think about this from time to time...out of the mouth of babes!

  6. Thanks everyone for your support. I've thought non-stop about what we can do to fix it. There has been no cheating but harsh words exchanged. My husband has PTSD and it's never been too big of an issue, but on Tuesday I saw the "snap" that other women with spouses that have PTSD have talked about it and I was scared. I still am. I think that's the biggest factor for me to consider because next time if the blow up is bigger or taken further, I can't imagine what that will look like. I just need to sit down and talk to him and make sure divorce is the right answer, I'd hate to regret the decision a year from now.

  7. I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this struggle. It sounds like you are doing everything in a thoughtful way to make sure you will make the best decision for yourself and your children. That's all you can do really, isn't it? Just take the time you need so you know in your heart that you are making a decision you are comfortable with, then you will not have regrets (either way). You are brave to talk about this and to really consider divorce if things are not well in your marriage. When people stay in an unhappy marriage because of the kids they can potentially do more harm by modeling certain behaviors (disrespecting each other, fighting etc.) It sounds like you are considering all of this. And of course it's not healthy to spend day after day, year after year being miserable. This will probabaly be a long journey for you and I hope you get the support you need along the way to make the best decision for you.